REX

Slow down there buddy, there are kids in this street’ thought Rex as a car sped across the narrow street and disappeared into corner.  Some people are always in a hurry he scoffed and took a deep breath and filled his lungs with fresh air. He loved to sit by the porch and watch people walk by. what else do I have left to do, served my country and my family as well as I could have and now they are happy I don’t get in their way anymore.  Besides anyone would be out on their porch on this lovely sunny day, Spring was in the air and all the trees in the area were beginning to bloom. His garden was already in spring mode, Flowers and sprigs sprouting out with life. It was colorful and fragrant bringing about all sorts of visitors. Bees were busy getting on about their day (quite contradictory to Rex’s), butterflies fluttering by adding contrast and camouflaging to the already vibrant color show on display, birds singing their merry tunes. There is so much going on yet everything is so peaceful. This is what heaven must be like he imagined as he was carried away into a different world

He reminisced his childhood, which had been rough, being  separated from his parents when he was barely  6 months old. By the time he was of age, he was drafted into the military, don’t think he had any say in that, but he went along with it. He was a ‘scout’ investigating the unknown areas for mines and other threats that lay across. At first, he was ignorant of the nature of the job but as he uncovered all the possible dangers he became quite good at it.  He had an instinct which hardly was wrong and excelled in his role, until that dreaded night where he almost got the entire team killed. But they all survived including Rex who was badly injured. And for his troubles he was forced to retire. Although they gave him a medal for his service he knew that  his life was done.

He returned to his ‘home’, realized it was futile to even think about trying to search for his family. He bunked in with his mates, some of whom had  lived a scarier life of abuse and abandonment. They exchanged their sad stories and comforted each other. The only thing Rex looked forward to  were the walks,  few times a day when he would be out and about, take in what little of the outside world he could see and forget his sadness. And this is where he would meet Sheila who always came out for a smoke break exactly when he would be coming around the corner. He began to think if she was timing her break to have a rendezvous with him.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and before you know it. Rex had moved in with Sheila. At last he had finally found a family and  was grateful for that.  He found joy in little things. Though difficult at first with his trauma  Sheila’s kindness and  support brought him out of his mental block. Rex was slowly putting all that horror behind. He loved Sheila more than his life and he knew Sheila loved him for they only had each other in their lives. But he did not take that for granted and that’s what happiness is all about and of course ice cream, especially when there was an ice cream shop around the corner which served the best chocolate covered caramel ice cream ever. It was worth every single brain freeze. He remembered how Sheila used to laugh looking at his frozen brain expressions. Ahh the little things that make women happy. Rex began to drool just at the thought that he would be experiencing yet another brain freeze shortly.

What a ride it has been so far, wonder how long we can go on this way he thought. Everything starts and eventually stops, it’s the things  in between that counts and I have no regrets. This is how life should be with ups and downs, laughter and pain, the vicissitudes of uncertainty is what makes life interesting. As he was about to close his eyes and day dream again, his thoughts were interrupted by the call ‘ Hey Rexyyyy, here boy, come here. who wants to go out for a walk’? Rex gleamed with all the energy left and even managed to wag his tail. He slowly stood up with his 3 wobbly legs gave a smile and thought to himself ‘ there better be some squirrels on the way’ 

~~Paddy

The Fall

It’s a cold winter evening. The blustery wind only making it worse. It’s been a good year. Lots of memories, made a lot of friends, loads of good times with family. Life has been good to me, I was born to play a part in the larger scheme of things and have succeeded in doing so. Provided for my family, food & water. Supported the weary and the less fortunate. Provided life, now that’s something I can be proud of.  Seen some sunny days, and some horrible rainy nights. But the fact is the sun always shines and the warmth makes the dew go away. You need pain and sadness to understand the value of happiness. But now it’s getting cold, the warmth of the sun does not reach to me anymore, the ice-cold breeze grazes by and I feel the shivers. My time has come and what a ride it has been. No regrets no worries no justifications for the things I did and the ones that were beyond my control. The wind is now getting stronger, it is taking me away, away from my thoughts, my dreams. As I await my destiny, I feel a nudge, a gentle touch reliving me of my responsibilities, A force that has put me on to my final descent.

As I look back I recall, waking up to the birds greeting the day, not knowing if that would be the final flight they ever take. Sometimes it’s better not to know, you get to live in the moment and enjoy it. The energy the day brings to the quiet night. The way everyone start their activities like clockwork, always amazed me. As I lay here looking at the world in awe. I wondered, why doesn’t anyone stop to take a breath. even though we breathe every second. The irony of life isn’t it!!. I am not a fan of the midday, the most boring part of the day, all the energy of the morning slowly drains way, lethargy kicks in and don’t get me started on the heat! so let’s not talk about it shall we?. The evenings are wonderful, especially when it gets cool and the sky lights up one last time with a vivid range of colors. Almost like she is hanging on to the light as much as she can and is not ready to let the sun go. But he must, as it always is. And then the night falls, everything becomes quiet except for those damned crickets! The night has always been underrated, the darkness never gets its due it played its part without one realizing that one must go through the darkness to realize the importance of light.

As I spiral down I think to myself I did not choose this life, and I do not choose how it ends either and yet I can only dream of being born again. The weather clears up, the wind is now slowing down. It is very quiet and then …. Thud!! A lonely leaf touches down on the ground, smiling as it knows it’s the sign of things to come. You must fall first, to spring back into life.

 

 

Masks

‘On this day of Halloween it is appropriate to talk about the ‘Masks’ that we all wear everyday’

This is something that I heard from my gym/yoga instructor in my neighborhood, and it struck a chord.Yeah cliched to an extent, but think about it, what he said was right. We are indeed people who live behind masks ( I am, of course categorizing a lot of people in this group, but it is the majority none the less).

We are always identified by the role we play, son, daughter, brother, sister, mother, father, friend, uncle the list goes on. Is this what defines us? lets broaden the horizon a little bit, an analyst, manager, leader, an athlete, a coach, a trader a financier  the list goes on. Who are we and what defines us beyond the terms that are created by the society.  From the time we wake up and till we go to sleep we put on different masks. Sub consciously we are aware of this but the conscious mind chooses to ignore it, at least thats what I feel.

We fight our inner urges and put on a metaphorical show out there into the world for everyone to see, the only difference is that there is no audience. It’s a preconceived notion that is bound by rules that govern the society, agree rules are what keep the ‘system’ in check so as to not descend into anarchy. Anyways, I digress, back to masks. When someone asks – Who are you ? what is your response? I am a man (Gender description), I am a son ( describing your role in the family tree) I am an analyst ( profession). Who exactly are you? is there something that you can say that you are without it being categorized? I don’t think so, the more I think about it the more categories that I find myself  being included in. Emphasis on ‘included’, we don’t chose to be the ones that we are called. We are not born with these masks they are put on us through the course of life .Knowingly or unknowingly they mould our life, to an extent that we are bound by them.

Everything right now looks superficial. Are you the one doing these things or is the mask making you do it? Is the role you play dictating your life ? Or are you choosing to be be behind these masks so that you don’t need to claim responsibilities for your actions? I don’t know if I have an answer to this yet and am not sure if I will find an answer to this either. As René Descartes famously proposed – ‘Cogito ergo sum’ ( I think therefore I am). is the closest I have come to connecting the dots between what I am and what I think I am! emphasis on the ‘I’ and ‘Think’. Only I and I alone can decide what I am, what others think of me is the perception of their reality of me that can be fit into these ‘masks’.

Having said that I will still wake up tomorrow and continue to wear masks and play roles and life goes on…  The question still remains, will I ever be able to remove the mask and look into the mirror and say. This is who I really am

Cheers

Paddy

Closure

Andrew woke up unusually calm that morning, No urge to look at phone notifications, nor worried about work emails. He got up and gawked outside to see the sun smiling down on him. With a grin on his face he instantly thought this is no day to waste in the office this is a day to get out and be myself . He sent an email to his boss that he was too sick to come into office today. He smiled thinking he had never taken a sick day in his life, he showered and got ready in his favorite grey suit, white checkered shirt,a blue pocket square, the brown belt he never went without and his only pair of brown shoes that he wore for special occasion. Today is a special day he gleamed 

He walked down the stairs and onto the garage, there stood the glistening red Volvo which he had bought after he had his first child! he had a special affection towards the car and never sold it even though many offers came his way. The Bond between a man and his Cars , now where do i begin! was his standard response to anyone who wanted to know the price of the car. He got in the car and turned his key.. on the first try as always good boy Roger ( dont ask me why he named it that). He took it out of his driveway and on to the community street, waving past anyone and everyone he saw. People are awfully quiet today he thought why is everyone so dull its such a bright day. oh well maybe i see something they dont he thought and moved on.

He had a specific route that he took when he was sad or depressed to clear his head, it was a small narrow road climbing up a hill surrounded by trees on both sides he used to call it the stairway to heaven he took the same route today. He went past his mechanic’s shop which had a ‘closed’ sign. Lazy Joey he whispered and went on.

As he drove past the apple trees, in the distance he saw a group of people. He looked closer, they seemed familiar. He stopped the car and started walking all the while squinting and struggling to see past the leaves. He was getting restless, a tingling sensation in his heart, he increased his pace. who are these people and why do they look so familiar? he thought over and over.

As he got closer, he started recognizing the people. Thats Richard and Susan from work, his car mechanic ( the reason why his car looked new all the time) his barber,  uncle Tim, Aunt Ellen, Ma!!! Pa!!!….. and then he saw his wife (Ex) and his three lovely children and his dog , How beautiful is his family he thought. He was proud of what his children had become , the only regret he had was he could not work out his marriage with Sicilia. They were perfect in their own ways including even to the extent that they made perfect babies, but certain things are not meant to be. He looked around and saw his best friend in the corner, Josh someone who had seen him at the worst of times and the best of times someone who was always in his corner, at least something is consistent

why are they all morose and standing with their hands held firmly as though in prayer. He was overcome with an unusual feeling, edging closer and closer he finally waded through the crowd, who for some reason didn’t even look back at him. And finally he saw, Himself in his favorite grey suit with white checkered shirt  a blue pocket square the brown belt he never went without and his only pair of brown shoes that he wore only for special occasion.

Slowly the coffin lowered,  He stood there staring at his family, and he realized, this day was his one last chance to look at everyone he loved and take them with him as memories into the beyond and for them to look at him the last time and then be a memory for the rest of their lives…

 

 

 

Deja Vu

Dominique woke up with a Startle……. he reaches out for his phone and takes a peek .. 6:25 am … 5 mins earlier than his regular time he thought…He was troubled…. normally he snoozes the phone and is up 15 mins after. He tried to go back to sleep only to be awakened by the siren of the fire engine! He lay on the bed gazing at his 15 feet vaulted ceiling of his recently acquired plush loft right in the heart Manhattan .. NYC the city that never sleeps.. He removed the satin sheets and turned on to the left side of the bed and fished for his slip-on. usually they are perfectly placed in the center of the bed frame. but not today!

Dom was a stickler for routine and definitions, this particular day seemed a little out of the normal, he simply dismissed the notion and went over to the living room and walked towards the windows, well glass walls is a rather accurate description, one with a 360 degree view of the concrete Jungle, he looked out and saw the sun rays trying to shine down and make its presence felt amidst tall skyscrapers, took a deep breath and thought to himself whilst sipping on his coffee …  I made it, I made it … after all the lies, struggles and sacrifices I have finally reached where i wanted to be.. he could see the top of the metaphorical mountain. He hurried through the final portions of the coffee in one large gulp and jumped on to the shower. Showers are very important in the life of a man.. young or old, it’s a time for reflection ,review and clarity, a one on one with your voices inside your head.. naturally Dominique was lost in his own thoughts, in the midst of that he thought he had heard his phone ring but dismissed it… got the whole day to be on the phone  he was reluctantly reminded…..

Grey or Blue!  he narrowed it down to these two colors for his suit today. Two colors which are always associated with depression and dampness, perfect in a way the day started you might say.

He picked up his keys from the bowl next to the breakfast bar and took his phone. He turned the screen on..15 notifications for missed calls, he was used to getting calls early in the morning but 15 was a very high number he looked at it all calls from  Sarah his Assistant. He listened to the voicemail ‘Dom.. whatever you do .. do not step out of the house’ it was very unlike Sarah to send him such messages, he looked outside the door through the peep-hole.. and he thought.. ‘Shit!!!!!!. his hallway was filled with reporters and journalists and media alike. He took a couple of steps back from the door, put down Louis Vuitton bag, quietly put his keys back in the bowl, even in this moment of panic he was particular about where he put his stuff! he went to the window walls and looked down, there was a swarm of people outside his building, the ones who got left behind by the time the security in the building locked out the doors.

He called Sarah,  and she picked the phone on one ring

Dom: Sarah, what the hell … is it the..

Sarah: yes! what ever you do ..Don’t step out,

Dom: But how can it be, we had been so careful .. what about Martin and Greg and..

Sarah: yes Dom all of them are in lock-down mode.. so Dont step..

Dom: Out!….. yes i got it, disconnects the phone          

Dom hears loud knocks on the door, Thud!! thud!!thud !!. He dismisses that hoping it will go away. He hears them again, along with muffled voices.. He goes near the door looks through the peep-hole. He sees the security guard knocking on the door …’Sir…. We need you to come out and make these people go away, the residents are getting disturbed and annoyed with all the commotion’ . Dom says ‘gimme a few mins i will sort it out’ . Security guard says ‘ Sir.. we need to get this done now, or we will no choice but to call the cops 

Suddenly his phone rings! its his lawyer… he lets it go to voice mail. The knocking on the door continues ‘Sir we have called the cops’   His phone rings again. its Sarah this time. The knocking continues.. ‘Sir… Sir… Sir…  he picks up the phone. ‘Dom, just got news that the cops are on their way, the others have already been…. Click… Dom disconnects. The intensity of the knocking increases. Dom looks into the peep-hole again, the cops are here. They are now clearing the hallway, one of them calls out, Mr Dominique Daniel Lazarus , please open the door and let us in  you are under arrest, We have a warrant. if you don’t open the door we will have to break it open’. Dom didn’t respond well to threats, why would he, he was usually on the other side making them. He didn’t say a word, he began to think, no one can get him down now he is too powerful to be pinned down, it’s just a misunderstanding.. nothing he cannot handle He can throw money and make it go away... his thoughts were interrupted by a loud bang …the door now split into two was in all over his entry way, the wood and splinters now covered the carpet shattering the glass table, his possession of exotic bottles of whiskey flowing down like waste water. Suddenly he hears ‘Fire in the hole’  there is smoke everywhere… a storm of cops waltz into his space, twist his arms around his waist and handcuff him, he tries to resist, two more cops pounce on him, he tries to fight them all the while screaming ‘ you cant do this to me, you will pay for this’  He suddenly feels a heavy blow on his head, Thud!! he falls face down on the carpet, his face bouncing a couple of time with the impact, things are blacking out… the blood from the blow now is slowly oozing out, slowly his eyes begin to shut and the last thing he sees is the reflection of his bloody face on the window……and then

Dominique wakes up with a  startle…. he reaches out for his phone and takes a peek.. its 6:25 am …a fire engine siren blaring away in the distance……..

Cheers

Paddy

 

 

 

 

The Keys!

It was a particularly warm night as Rachel walked back home faster than usual , constantly looking back to see if the man in the red hoodie was still behind her,he had been following her for a couple of blocks now. Few more steps and I am home …safe..she thought! Her pace increasing with every step and her heart racing faster that her pace. I am almost home .. i am almost home she whispered softly, she looked back and could still the image of the man she thought and hoped would stop following her. She looked ahead and she saw the light from her neighbors lamp, lady liberty holding the torch. She thought when am i going to be liberated from this nightmare!  

She was a few steps away from her beautiful red door with a  shining brass lion head for a knocker, she reached over to her bag and started searching frantically for her keys. why does this bag have so many things arghhhh, her hand now whirring rapidly inside the bag like a hand mixer beating eggs. No!! No!!! Noooooooo! don’t do this to me now please … i swear i will not throw you around anymore i will organize my bag and keep you safe please keys!  realizing she lost her keys she shuddered at the thought of going back and looking for it, i should have made a copy and given it to Mark she thought. What would he have thought about that gesture would he have thought it as too soon? she was getting distracted and scared she was not thinking straight. It’s always in situations like these that smaller trivial things become very important in life and they can change your perception of things from then on.

Focus Rachel focus she thought to her self. She picked up her phone which  from her bag  rather easily! and was about to call Emily when she felt a cold hand on her shoulder. A chill ran down her spine, for a moment she had forgotten about the Red Hoodie, and this chill reminded her of every bad thing that could happen to her, it was a fairly warm night for early spring yet she could feel the path of a cold sweat running through her back! She dropped her bag held on to her phone, Call the police call the police now her brained screamed, but these screams were heard by no one, not even her, she was in a trance she could not think, people say that times like these your entire life flashes by but i am sure Rachel would have contradicted that with passion. If she were alive to tell the story! her whole world was going to come crashing down.

The man in the red hoodie began to speak,  mmmmffff mmmmmffffgggghhh …is all what she could hear all other sounds masked by her hear beat. She felt her heart would come out of her chest , the whole world had stood still for her. The man now held her arm, she thought so this is now it ends.. after all the things i have done and wanted to do this is how it ends right in front of my door…

The man with a raised voice said Ma’am …. Excuse me Ma’am ….. you dropped your keys!

Cheers

Paddy

Wild and Wonderfull Alaska.

The wonderful vacation with our wonderful friends!!! that we took last year Alaska Itinerary (June 22- 29) Day 1: Reach Alaska and settle down (Jun 21-22) Landed Anchorage Airport (Sunday …